Feeling unsettled? What it means and what to do next

I didn’t choose a word of the year for 2024, but if I could select one in hindsight it would be: unsettled. I know, uninspiring at best.  

Unsettled literally means lacking stability or not yet resolved. So, admittedly, it’s not a desirable state of being. And yet, while I don’t enjoy the feeling of being unsettled, I have come to respect and even appreciate its presence in my life. 

This year, the feeling of being unsettled led me to examine what I put into my body and how I spend my time. It’s caused me to question how we “do church,” what it means to lead others well, and how we discipline our girls. In the past, being unsettled sparked a career change, restored a relationship and helped avoid an unnecessary purchase.

Pretty big stuff!

Here’s I prefer to define unsettled: The sense that where I am is not where I want to stay. 

To be clear, feeling unsettled is not the same as being discontent.  Discontentment is externally focused, pointing out all that’s unsatisfying in the environment or situation. Being unsettled takes those external factors and directs us to look inward. It’s not interested in blame.

There are a growing number of people experiencing unsettled. And too many, of my generation in particular, take the first feeling of being unsettled as a sign that it's time to jump ship. This is a knee-jerk reaction and its often unproductive and unhealthy. Unsettled, by definition, is a transition point - not yet resolved – but there is more than one way to gain stability where it is lacking.

Here are a few things I’m learning to do when I feel unsettled:

Start by admitting, I’m feeling unsettled about _______. Be as specific as you can. Drill down to the root of the issue by asking why? Why do I keep reacting to that thing? Why does that leave me feeling anxious or out of control or angry? Why does that rub me the wrong way?

Then, ask, should I be?

Are there real reasons to feel unsettled or am I just going through a rough patch? Am I looking for an escape route so I can “stick it” to someone on the way out? Good reasons might be:

·      Justice-related (it’s not supposed to be this way)

·      Efficiency-minded (that’s not the best way)

·      An alignment issue (this isn’t a good fit for me)

Next, find your people. 

Who can you talk to openly about how you’re feeling? Choosing the right people based on the specific scenario is important. For example, talking to your coworkers about feeling unsettled at work may not be the wisest thing to do. Make sure who you talk with isn’t compromised. There’s a happy medium between too-involved and too-removed.

Finally, draft a plan.

Feeling unsettled is like a dashboard indicator light. It’s a warning that something may be off, but it doesn’t come complete with a next steps package. Before you set the ball in motion, make sure you have an outline for what comes next.

Feeling unsettled is a part of life and always will be. (And for the record, settling for something isn’t often the sought after approach). So, the quicker we acknowledge, identify and leverage the unsettled feeling, the more effectively we can lean into the growth potential it stores.